When You Can’t Find a Decent Woman

Reports from the field tell me it’s bad out there.

I hear from men who all want to find a decent woman. They want to marry. They want kids and a house to raise them in. They want to devote themselves to serving as a loving father and husband. They are committed, prepared, and ready to dive in.

Unfortunately, they’ve got everything but the girl.

The women they know are unsuitable, having been corrupted by materialism, feminism and a culture teaching that life is either a sexual free-for-all or nothing. They’ve tried making connections, but things never work out.

Everything I see tells me they’re right. Mainstream American culture is increasingly hostile to people seeking to live out any semblance of traditional home and family life. I understand why these guys would be tempted to give up.

Nevertheless, surrender would be the wrong move. When traditional home and family patterns have been upended; when the traditional markers of maturity are actively discouraged; when the virtues and values that make stable family life possible are vilified, that is not the time to give in, but to dig in. Now is the time to commit ever more firmly.

There are many things a man in search of decent woman may do. He can look for a wife in places where the remaining acceptable candidates might hang out. He can look for them at church or in other religious institutions. He can look for women who volunteer for causes the left considers questionable at best. I bet, for example, there are some honorable single women volunteering right now at crisis pregnancy centers around the world. He can look in groups devoted to conservative politics. That’s a mixed bag, I admit, but it might be worth it.

Basically, he will have to look in the nooks and crannies of our society that are truly considered uncool. Somewhere, maybe in a knitting group, or in some rural hideaway there is a woman who is trying to resist this vicious cultural onslaught. She is waiting for a good man.

Actively and strategically looking for her is important. But, it is not as important as the one thing a man in search of a decent woman in indecent times must do:


The number one thing you can do to find a traditional woman is to be a traditional man. Let it be known that you are different. When you meet a woman, let her know what your standards are, set the standards for her. She can stay or leave as wants. But, if she leaves you, let her leave because you demanded something more than she has been taught to offer, not because you whined and supplicated and begged for her love.

Remember that women are lost too. You can have some compassion without compromising your values. If you want a traditional home and family, you must always be leading others toward that end. When you meet a woman who has been taught all the lies our culture propounds, whether you date her or not, your response should always be to point at the horizon and say to her, “This, this is the way home.”

A woman willing to follow you there is worth further consideration.

In order to lead this way, you will need to get two things right in your soul. First, you must be free of an inordinate desire for her approval. When you set out to lead these women, many won’t follow.

She may be look good. She may smile and tilt her head and laugh. She may seem to offer a balm for all your loneliness if only you will forget your destination and let her lead you down where she dwells. Don’t do it. Only by being willing to live without a home and family can you increase your chances of founding one.

You will only be able to do this if you are committed to your mission. You must be an example of maturity to those around you. You have to seek to improve yourself and to find, in that endeavor, your primary satisfaction. If you are going to lead a woman into rejecting the lies of our corrupt age, you will have to be able to demonstrate that you offer her more value than the pop culture vision of the good life. The culture has a gravitational pull; if you find a woman you want in your orbit, you must have gravity of your own.

The world is a dark place. No one wants to deny that women, or men for that matter, bear moral responsibility for their choices. And yet, the confusion, despair and deception people live with now creates a context in which up seems down, wrong seems right and love seems oppressive. Your job is to shine what light you have and let the women who might make decent wives be drawn to it. It is time now to begin. The future of your family and all civilization depends upon it.


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7 responses

  1. “Nothing helps you develop great understanding of dating like being married for a decade.”

    Something else you haven’t considered is that while 2 people may share the same values and want the same thins, like marriage and family, they just may not be attracted to each other.

  2. “Everything I see tells me they’re right. Mainstream American culture is increasingly hostile to people seeking to live out any semblance of traditional home and family life.”

    I think part of the reason for this is because most of the compliments of traditional family home and family life are gone or lessened honestly.

    Marriage has been replaced by a minstrel show of divorce, largely ending in divorce and costly custody/financial claims.
    Where it used to be acceptable to grow up in a nice house with a picket fence and a family, has been replaced (because of the differing value of money) with a yearning for a big condo/beach house and independence.
    The old school traditional ways of dating have been killed, largely by social media (although I recently did a post on why Vanity is one of the main reasons for this). It makes infidelity and promiscuity actually sound promising and they promise you wont get shamed for it, until it happens.

    All in all I like the post, I definitely agree – I find myself remarking all the time how I wish I was born 10-15 years before I was, I feel like my generation is lacking in terms of knowing how to date, be a couple, understand how to have a relationship in general and many other key factors of fostering relationships with people.

  3. Well years ago i would really have to say that Most of the good old fashioned women were the Best of all at that time since they were a hell of a lot Nicer and much Easier to meet in those days which many women today are such real Losers now since so many of the women of today that have their Careers which they really think that they’re God’s gift to men which their really Not at all. So many now have become so very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, and very money hungry over the years which really speaks for itself how women have really Changed for the Worst when Most of the good old fashioned women were Never like that at all since Both men and women years ago were Struggling to make ends meat at that time just to get by. It is just too bad for many of us Good single men that we weren’t born at a much Earlier time which it would’ve made a very big difference for us since we really could’ve Avoided this mess since many of us could’ve been all settled down by now with our own Good wife and family that many of us still Don’t have today.

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