School Is a Trauma Factory: A Personal Example

I am remembering this morning an incident that I now see led to my total distrust of all systems of authority, especially of the public school system. Memories like this make me want to see the system destroyed.

In my 8th grade health class, we didn’t have individual desks. Students shared these trapezoidal tables, two students to a place. I shared my table with a popular cheerleader. I was a shy, smart, nervous kid from a working class family, definitely lower status than my tablemate. Despite whatever the people in charge of the system say, anyone who has been through it knows that the real rule, the unwritten rule, is that high status kids are allowed to hurt lower status kids with impunity.

One day, Mr. Duff gave the class a quiz. My cheerleading tablemate apparently was not doing well because she said “Let me see your answers!”

I knew cheating was wrong. My conscience knew, and I had been told this by adults, including the adults who ran the school where I was now being pressured by one of its favored daughters.

I told her no.

The next day before school, I was in the library looking at books. Cheerleader X and a crew of her popular kid friends surrounded me and said “You wouldn’t let Cheerleader X look at your answers!” They spent several minutes ridiculing and verbally abusing me. I remember being called a f*ggot about a million times. My body can still recall the terrified feeling. Eventually, I was able to push through a gap in the circle and walk away.

This is just one incident of the relentless abuse I endured in school. As time went on, I watched as Cheerleader X and her friends were celebrated by the system, as they received every plaudit the school could offer: praise for their athletic achievements, favor with teachers, special privileges. We would literally have school rallies where we were all supposed to stand and cheer for these people.

What this taught me was the the system is built by and for liars. I was the kid who followed the rules the system laid down and I was the one punished. Those who broke the rules and encouraged others to do so were promoted. I was young, but I wasn’t dumb. I could see the foundation of the whole enterprise was hypocrisy, superficiality and stupidity.

One the eve of my 52nd birthday, I am still coping with the effects of what I endured. Coming up in that atmosphere contributed to long years struggling with depression and anxiety. The effects of that abuse have held me back in many ways and led to struggles long after the cap and gown have rotted away.

I cannot believe that things aren’t even worse for kids today. The system continues to produce traumatized kids because traumatized kids is what it is designed to produce. There is no reforming it because the foundation is corrupt. The best that can be done is to knock it down and put up a memorial to its victims