What's Wrong with Men Today
Men today are lost.
They don’t know who they are or where they are going, and many of their other problems are downstream from this simple fact. Over and over in my coaching work with men, I will hear a guy relay what he’s dealing with.
His finances are a mess, he has a girlfriend but they fight all the time, his health isn’t great, and professionally he’s going nowhere. He lacks “motivation.”
When I get around to asking him what he actually wants, or what his goals are, he looks at me blankly. Sometimes, he’ll blink. What seems like a simple question often takes him back.
Many guys, it turns out, have never really considered what their soul desires, what longings burn in their core.Going through life with no clear picture of where their souls long to go or of the work it would do, leaves guys in survival mode.
A crystal-clear vision for a man’s life pulls him forward, motivates him to persevere when things are against him. Without it, he stays stuck in survival mode, just trying to pay the next bill, putting out the next fire, or he sinks into a gray materialism or hedonism, chasing bigger and bigger external rewards and pleasures that, in the end, leave him spent and sad.
This situation isn’t surprising. Forces today are aligned against men having any awareness at all of our inner lives. Our culture rewards production, and men, especially, are told their worth to others depends entirely on what they produce.
The kind of introspection and contemplation necessary to really know himself is deemed wasteful, frivolous, and, in some cases, effeminate. The powers that be do not want a population of men connected to their hearts and to what matters most to them. Those kinds of men tend to make trouble.
Most guys are simply never asked what they want. They’re told.
Just as our society demands men produce, it also demands they consume. Everyone knows men’s attention in our media-saturated culture is constantly directed outward, away from the heart.
Whether by endless distraction on social media, the relentless crush of advertising, or by free and easy pornography, men in the modern West are trained to keep their eyes trained outwardly, looking for the next thing to consume. The message is to buy, buy, buy and never to reflect on whether he really wants any of this stuff or not.
All this keeps men preoccupied with things that don’t matter. Eventually, he finds himself burned out, ashamed, lonely, and defeated. Most guys simply try to push on bravely, though there is a better way.
When encouraged to talk about and explore their real desires, most men connect with them quickly. Usually, they find it helpful for someone else to ask questions and to encourage them to go beyond what seems safe and “possible,” but to be really honest about what they want.
Once they’re willing to be honest, the future almost invariably looks brighter as now they have something to build toward, a goal that until this point had been absent.
The last time I wrote to you, I was on the brink of launching my first-ever mastermind group for men. In the intervening month or so, we have met and seen a lot of success. This very issue has raised its head in the group. Members have all been very helpful to one another in encouraging men to be honest about what they want out of life, to believe they deserve to move toward those things, and to start seeing results.
Our group is too small to change the large-scale patterns that are severing men from their inner fire, but that doesn’t mean we must do nothing. If you are a man struggling with a lack of motivation, of direction, if you are facing a crisis or just feeling empty, I encourage you to consider joining us for a few meetings and letting us see what we can do.
If you’re interested, the link is below. You can get 50% off the normal price this month by entering the code “Dean50” at checkout. Leading this group and supporting men looking for a path forward is a great inspiration and joy to me. I am very grateful I get to see it so often. I’m hoping the next wins I get to celebrate are yours.
Click here to read more about The Compass mastermind group for men.